Whispersfrommyheart's Blog

No Longer A Victim

Posted on: April 24, 2012

No longer is my name to be

“Survivor” any more;

For I have long since been redeemed

My life has been restored.

And I no longer will be seen

As one whose grief is worn;

Like medals from a battle won

For which my heart has mourned.

And shame no longer has the right

To claim me as its own;

Disgrace, dishonor are replaced

With Love, He has atoned.

And hate no longer covers me

Within its evil shroud;

Weighing down my heart and soul

To keep my spirit bowed.

For when I claimed survivor-ship

My heart believed the lie;

That grief and shame were evidence

Of what my past implied.

But Jesus came and set me free

Then showed me what was true;

“Survivor” kept me victimized

And kept my heart askew.

And as He taught me how to live

As one who’s overcome;

Instead of holding to the past

I now hold to the One.

The King of Glory; Jesus Christ

My Lord, and my Savior;

It’s through His blood I’m free and not

A victim any more.

Image

I am a survivor. I was a victim of childhood sexual assault, but I survived.  I was a victim of rape and molestation, but I survived. I was a victim of domestic violence, but I survived. Victim and survivor, they go hand in hand with one another.

I was a victim, but now I am a survivor.

To me, the title of survivor was like a badge of honor I could wear. It grabs people’s attention and produces sympathy in them. When I refer to myself as a survivor, the response I receive is, “Oh, how awful that must have been,” or, “You poor girl”. The truth is, being a survivor gave me a sense of pride. I beat the odds. I proved the statistics wrong. I faced the worst in this life and I survived.

I was a victim. I survived.

Do you see what I mean? I can hardly refer to myself as a survivor without thinking about what I had survived; victimization; sexual assault.  One term always lead me to the other, and neither one gives hope of being without the other. Victim. Survivor…

Even though I have used the word survivor throughout this book, I really do not like it.  Today, I no longer refer to myself as a “Survivor” of childhood sexual assault. Mainly because it gives the impression I am still continuing to live with the trauma of my past.  Merriam-Webster online dictionary gives this as the definition of survivor. To remain alive or in existence; to live on; to continue to function or prosper”. Well, that’s an okay definition. I was alive after my assault. I grew up and continued to function as a human being. I breathed in. I breathed out. I continued to exist upon this earth.  Take a look at what it means to overcome. To get the better of; to gain the superiority: win: conquer”.

Do you notice the difference between the two?

As a survivor you are indeed alive or existing in this life. You continue to function or prosper just as I did, but nothing is mentioned about getting the better of the circumstances you have survived. There is absolutely no doubt you can continue to live your life by surviving. You can breath in and out, you can eat, work and come home, and you can go to sleep as a survivor, but you cannot be an over-comer if you are still surviving!

Another reason I don’t like to use the word survivor to describe who I now am, is that it creates a mental concept of self-pity and the need for others’ pity. In my opinion—and this is only my opinion—to claim the name of survivor is to say, “Look at the circumstances I have survived.” “It is important that you know what I have been through, and it is just as important to feel sorry for me.” The focus is not on what God has done, or can do, but more so, the focus is on what has taken place in the past. I was a victim and here are the circumstances of my victimization, but I survived.

Victim and survivor, you can’t get away from this one fact, one will always remind you of the other.

It’s just a little thing really. Understanding why I no longer refer to myself as survivor isn’t an earth shattering revelation, but rather, it was a realization I had during my journey. If I were going to find deliverance and freedom, then I would need to get beyond my self pity. As long as I remained in a survivor attitude, I could not let go of being the victim. My focus was fixed looking backward toward those awful events in my childhood, and not forward where it belonged.

There is yet another reason I don’t like the term survivor. The definition does not adequately describe what happens when someone is delivered through the blood of Jesus Christ. It doesn’t paint a whole complete picture.  As I stated earlier, the definition leaves the assumption that survivors are continuing to deal with the affects of their victimization. That simply isn’t true of one whom Jesus has delivered.

When I think about a survivor, the picture I see in my mind is one who still struggles to keep her head above the water. She treads with all of her might as the water pushes in on all sides. She hasn’t drowned, but she is still in the water. She is not able to rest from the chore of surviving. If she does stop, the water will surely cover her!

I don’t know what you think, but that doesn’t sound like deliverance to me!  While at one time I was a survivor, sometimes, simply surviving was not enough.  I wanted to do more than just survive, I wanted to get out of the water because I was tired!

I have spent a great many pages of this book trying to instill this one truth in your mind; Jesus Christ will deliver you from the emotional and spiritual bondages that have consistently bound your past to your present. Completely and totally.

The word deliver means to set free. To be set free means to be released, let loose, or liberated as from a trap. Those words denote a complete release, and it assures the captive the effects of their prior bondage will no longer have the control over them it once had. It is the same thought as unleashing your dog and letting it run free. The dog, which was once limited to where it could go, now has the ability to come and go as it pleases. Its boundaries have been extended beyond what it had previously known. Your dog is unencumbered. Your dog is free. It no longer has to contend with the restrictions of its prior leash, because the leash no longer has an effect on its liberties.This is what it is like to really be free. To walk anywhere you want with nothing holding you back or restricting your movements.

Beloved, we should be that free.

Jesus paid a very high price for the lives of human beings, and as I have stated repeatedly throughout this book, His death and resurrection were for more than just our deliverance from hell. Jesus’ death and resurrection is given to liberate us completely and totally from the effects of our prior captivities—the sin that was our responsibility and the sin that was not—both emotionally and spiritually.

An excerpt from the book: Whispers From My Heart BY: Cheryl A. Thompson

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