Whispersfrommyheart's Blog

Dreams to Reality of Abuse

Posted on: November 2, 2012

Every little girl dreams of the day, when she will walk down the aisle to say, “I do.” Each year, when April rolls around, I remember my day as if it happened yesterday; instead of 25 years ago.

The sky was overcast on the morning of April 12th, 1986. I jumped out of bed and ran over to the window.

“Please let it be sunny!” I prayed, and pulled back the shade.

I was slightly disappointed to see rain falling to the ground, but I wasn’t going to let that dampen the excitement in my heart. Today was the day I had waited for my whole life…I was getting married.

As a little girl, I used to dress up in my mothers wedding gown.  I would stand in front of the mirror, admiring the dress, and how grown up I felt, and daydream about my “Prince Charming” riding up, and sweeping me off of my feet. We would be so in love, and we, along with a house full of children, would live happily ever after.

I was the last one, in my family of 4 girls, and two boys, to tie the knot. I hadn’t planned on waiting until I was 25 to marry; life just happened that way.  But today, I was overjoyed to be getting married. My romantic, childhood fantasies blended with the reality of the day as the clock continued to tick the minutes away. I busied myself getting ready; making sure everything was perfect. As I looked into the mirror, all my fears vanished because I knew “who” I would soon be; I would be his wife. My heart overflowed as I pulled my gown from its protective bag and stepped into my very own wedding dress. Butterflies filled my stomach when the Best Man pulled up to escort me to the church and, on the way, I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving that God had given me this day.  My memories of that day have not faded with time; my special day, filled with well wishers, food, gifts, and festivities; each moment is forever imprinted on my mind.

No one ever plans to fail. When I married, I thought it would be forever, but the life I had imagined was not meant to be. Three and a half years after my wedding, I walked away with two small boys, and one on the way.

As I stand, looking out of the window, on this 12th day of April, 2005, I am amazed at the similarities of these two days, so many years apart. The sky is overcast; rain has drizzled throughout most of the day, and the wind is cold.

“Next year would be 25 years together.” I think to myself.

Every year that passes marks another year for what might have been, and every year, I wonder, did I make the right choice?  Thankfully,  all I need to do is look at my three boys to see the answer. “Yes, you did the right thing.”

God did not call me to live the life of an abused wife. Most women, in abusive relationships, never find the strength to leave. Their children grow up witnessing the devastation and their daughters grow up to marry abusers. My children did not grow up watching their father abuse their mother. They didn’t endure his anger. I took them away from fear and raised them in an atmosphere of love. Together, with the help of our Father in heaven, we broke the cycle of abuse.

Next year, I know the same thoughts and feelings will invade my memory. I’ll fondly recall the anticipation I had all those years ago. But as the day wears on, I’ll hear the heart of Father God whisper,

“This is the Anniversary to remember My child; the day I led you out from the Land of Egypt” and my heart will be assured once again; the journey I have chosen for my boys and me has been well worth the cost.

Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (NKJ)

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