Whispersfrommyheart's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Acceptance

I was 28 years old with two children, ages one and two, and five months pregnant with my third when I met with a counselor. I needed courage to leave my abusive husband and thought I could find some there.

Counselor: “Tell me about your childhood.”
Me: (Thinking what does my childhood have to do with anything?) “Well, it was a childhood. You know… normal.”
Counselor: “It was happy??
Me: “I don’t know. It was… norm… (a dam of memories breaks open in my mind)… wait, no, that’s not right.”
Counselor: “What isn’t right”?
Me: “My childhood. It wasn’t normal. I was mo… (there is a flood of emotions rising to the surface)… I was mol… (I am having trouble saying the word. My throat is closing off my words. Tears are choking me). I was molested”!

As that realization tumbled to the forefront of my mind, I felt as though my life shattered into a million tiny pieces. Each shard stabbing me with it’s truth. As the details began spilling out, my soul felt like it was being ripped apart. The pain was excruciating. Unbearable.

I don’t know how long I cried, but when I calmed down he asked…

Counselor: “How have you handled all of that”?

The truth is, most of us don’t know how to “handle” what we’ve been through. We’ve turned to food, sex, drugs, alcohol, self harm — other avenues to dull the pain. We don’t want to feel that kind of pain so we stuff it further and further down by any other thing that makes us feel better.

The other part of the truth is, this: We can’t heal unless we allow the reality of abuse, and the pain, to rise to the surface. To be validated. To be known. To be released.

No matter how painful it is, facing our past needs to be done in order to heal. Mine pounced on me while looking for an ounce of courage. I’m glad it did because today, the pain is no more.

What God has done for me, he WILL do for you!

I know. It sounds flippant. But, really, it’s not. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to do it, again. I didn’t mean to give in to a moment of weakness.

But, I did.

I hate when I give in to sin. It is usually followed by a sense of distance between God’s Spirit and me, and a bout of guilt that continues until I break down, confess myself to God, and repent of my sin.

That’s how it went today. Happily, in short order.

Sin is deceitful. It draws us in by constant bombardment. At times, we are able to stand firm against it, and it lessens the pull against us. However, there are those moments of weakness when we give in to that temptation. It seems so exciting, so good, so inviting, when we are being tempted. But once we have given into the sin, and completed the sin, the guilt and shame enter in. The guilt and the shame create the distance that develops between God and our self. Sin always causes us to shrink away from God. Sin and God cannot stay in the same place.

That’s how sin works.

That’s why God tells us to resist the devil and he will flee from you. – James 4:7.

I can hear you saying, “But, you don’t know how hard it is…”!
Oh, yes I do. That is why I also come bearing good news.

We are all human. While we can learn to overcome sin, we are bound to fail. God, in his mercy, has already made provision for us.

The work that Jesus did on the cross, not only provided us with salvation, but total forgiveness of sin. Total. I mean, everything we did in the past, everything we do today, and everything we do in the future. Covered. Taken care of. Blotted out.

“Are you telling me if I let loose of a string of cuss words, I’m covered? I can do whatever I want?”

I didn’t say that.

“But, that’s what it sounded like.”

No, that is not what I’m saying. Otherwise, the guilt I felt when I gave in to temptation is of no use.

When Jesus died he died ONCE and FOR ALL for ALL sin for ALL TIME, Romans 6:10, he took care of sin for ALL TIME for ALL who come to him.

“You mean, me, too?”

Yes, you, too.

However, if, once we have accepted Christ’s payment for our sin, if we continue to live in sin his sacrifice is null and void for us – See Hebrews 10:26.

A Christian who willingly sins hasn’t died to sin – Romans 6:2.
One who humbles him or herself in the sight of God allows God’s Spirit to work sin out; to conform us to the image of Christ.

As one who is overcoming the issues of Childhood Sexual Assault, falling off the sin wagon is huge. Since control is a big issue, loosing control matters. Not controlling my mouth, or my body, or my attitude, brings about huge disappointments. As soon as I give in to sin, the cycle begins: I retreat from God, and as I make that retreat, I remind myself; “You’re so stupid, you can’t do anything right.” “You are dumb.” “God hates you.” These thoughts take me even farther away from God. They increase my distance from him. Thankfully, God’s Spirit also begins his work, reminding me God’s mercy is new every morning -Lamentations 3:22 & 23. Drawing me back. Closing the gap.

You see, God knows we are going to fail.
He has already forgiven us.
Already given us the way back.
Already closing the distance between us, and him.
Already drawing us back in.

The scriptures tell us in Romans 8:39, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Our failures don’t make us unlovable to God. They won’t cause God to abandon us. He won’t run away from us. We’ll be chastised because he loves us – Hebrews 12:6. We’ll have to suffer the consequences of our choices, but God will never turn away or forsake us.

Don’t hold back.
He’s calling you to turn back to him.
He’s telling you, you’re already forgiven. Already covered.
Even if you are enduring tough circumstances because of your choices, God is still there, right beside you. Waiting for you to run into his arms.

We are human.
We’re going to stumble and fall.
But, you are more than…your sin.

I got to ponderin’—that’s the South’s way of saying, thinking about – this morning, as I dried my hair, the title of my blog is Whispers From My Heart.

What exactly does my heart whisper?

Would you agree that our hearts whisper desires or longings? I do. I think our hearts have a longing to belong to something greater than ourselves. I think we all desire to be loved; accepted for who we are, and not what we can do for someone else.

But, to whom, or to what, do our desires and longings go?

Speaking in human terms, there are many things, or objects, our desires and longings can be placed upon. For example:

·         Our desires and longings can be placed on another human individual. For example: we see a member of the opposite sex that we are attracted to and our desire is to know him (speaking as a female). We want to be close to him, talk to him, touch him, and if we are lucky enough to marry him, to be intimate with him. He is all we think about.

·         Our desire can also be placed on an object, such as a car, a motorcycle; a bigger house, or a grand vacation. All we have to do is look at the credit card industry to see this is true. We go into debt, and sometimes massive debt, to have the nicest house, the nicest clothes, the nicest car, and the greatest vacation. This desire might not always be at the top of our priority list, but underneath, the desire is there. You can feel it when you look at the brochure, or visit the web site. In some cases, this desire to have things drives you to succeed in life.

·         Money – now that’s a big one. We can’t live this life without money. With money we can have nice cars, nice houses, and grand vacations. With money we will never worry about where our next meal is coming. With money, everything is available to us. Everything. Nothing would be withheld, if only we have money. The longing and desire for money can fill our hearts quickly. It, too, will drive a person to succeed. The more someone succeeds, the more money they have. Sometimes, this desire for money causes a person to disregard their fellow human being. Many people have been pushed aside and trampled in the quest for the almighty dollar.

o   Don’t misunderstand me. Money itself is not the issue; it is the desire for money that I speak of.

·         Sometimes our affections are placed on love itself. Or, they can be placed on revenge, hatred, jealousy and any other emotions we have. There are times when emotions have captivated us to the point of driving our thoughts and our actions. Hatred easily breeds murder. For example: look at the mass shootings that have taken place in our offices, our schools, and our military bases.  Sure, mental health is an issue we must deal with, but, what drove them to commit murder? In many instances, though, there was a disgruntled employee, a targeted teen, who endured emotional torture and bullying from classmates. There were weeks and months of preparation while anger birthed murder. There was anger. There was hatred. And finally, there was murder.

o   Do not misunderstand me. I am not making light of mental health. Mental issues are very real occurrences that do need to be dealt with. Counseling, medicine and the right therapy have helped millions of people overcome the issues of mental illness. I am not dealing with that issue, but the underlying emotion of hatred that brings people to the point of bloodshed.

The valuable thing of our life – our heart — begins to get wrapped up in the all-important thing or person our focus is on.

Maybe you’ve heard this before … maybe not. Inside every one of us is a void; an empty spot we keep trying to fill. Money, love, sex, people, things, objects. We focus on those things to fill this need we have inside of us, but the more we have the less we are satisfied. So we think we must need more, but the more we get the more dead we feel. Nothing seems to satisfy us.

Why is that?

What would you say if I told you the real whisper of our hearts is the longing and desire for God? A longing and desire for a real life, bonafied, relationship with God.  He is, after all, the one who created the void to begin with.

In thousands of years, since man and woman first made an appearance on this earth, we still seek other things and place our desire on them. It’s part of the human condition. Every single person deals with it. But, be of good courage, my friend, because Jesus Christ has already overcome the human condition and he makes it possible for us to do the same!

That’s part of the GOOD NEWS that should be heralded throughout the earth.

The focus of our desire can be changed. The whisper; the longing and desire, we have in the most private points in our lives, all point to Jesus Christ. Once we accept him, and allow the focus of our lives to be on him, our lives begin to make sense. We begin to think about other people and their needs. We stop to help someone else get ahead, instead of trampling them on our way up. We begin to see life through the lens of love, instead of hate. Relationships take on new meaning. Money becomes a tool we can use.

Having money and having things, and focusing on other things besides God isn’t a sin and it won’t haul us before they judgment seat of Christ. But, who, or what, is the foremost desire of our hearts will.

Your heart is whispering a desire and a longing for God to become number one.

Who, or what, are you going to focus on?

Father, help us to focus on you, the one who authors and perfects our faith. Fill the void of our hearts with you so that we can seek you first and foremost, and your righteousness. Your word tells us that in doing so, in seeking you first, you will add everything we need. Help our desire and focus to be on you and not what we can obtain. Thank you for loving us, and for the whisper of our hearts that longs for you to answer.

Scripture References:

Psalm 119:36 & 37 “Give me a desire for your rules, rather than for wealth gained unjustly. Make my eyes pass by from looking at what is worthless. Revive me by your word!” (NET Bible)

Hebrews 12:1 & 2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, we must get rid of every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and run with endurance the race set out for us, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith…” (NET Bible)

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing?… So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.” (NET Bible)